A client mentioned an unwanted happening in her marriage to which she kept having the same reaction. She cringed. Like most people, she wanted this unwanted happening to end by stopping her husband’s action from happening.
Recognizing a pattern
As we tapped into what actually was happening through her, she realized and heard a physical experience of a static noise in her head. To the question whether she remembers this noise happening before in her life, she noted a particular event with her mother in which she found herself thinking “I did not want this, I don’t know what to do”. She felt so stressed at that time that she needed to leave her mother’s house. She went to the beach and shared her thoughts with a friend.
Connection and Growth
At the time she did not know, but in our SER session she understood, that as she was talking to her friend, she was also working her thoughts out within herself, and she recognized that what what she wanted was connection and growth in her relationship with her mother. She was able to reconcile her discontent with her mother and their relationship became stronger. She was able to face her mother’s decisions with compassion and support.
The Saving Grace in Saving a Marriage
In her mind and relationship with her husband, this same concept did not exist. She wanted her husband to stop doing what she did not want or knew how to deal with. She was contemplating a divorce. Her experience was the same – cringing, static noise and, not knowing what to do – but this time she had resentment on her mind when she talked about the situation. As she connected the dots of symptoms and thought patterns, she came to the understanding that her choice of resentment is a detour from creating a happy marriage.
Making a Decision
She made the decision to think of her husband that same loving way she thought about her mother. Not because she felt her husband deserved it, but because she remembered who SHE was. She decided to remember love within and take action from that memory. A simple change like this moved their relationship from going forward with the divorce she was contemplating to keeping the dancing in their marriage alive.